Draco Malfoy vs the Fangirls
by Terrie
Summary: Draco must contend with a curse
1. In which we meet our Protagonist

Author's note: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling. I'm just making fun of them. In addition, I'm also making fun of those who sanitize Draco. If you're guilty of this, stop and ask yourself. Why do I do this to a character I claim to like? 

--- 

Draco Malfoy was a bastard. Well, not literally. His parents would never have done anything as gauche as have a child out of wedlock. That sort of thing simply wasn't done in their social circle. No, Draco was a bastard in the sense of he was the sort of fellow who would hex your new puppy simply because he was bored. Or because you annoyed him. Or because he thought you looked funny. Or all three. 

Unfortunately, he was also rather good looking. Well, he didn't think it was a bad thing, exactly. Good looking people could get away more than ugly people. If you were good looking, people did things for you. Draco was in favor of things that made it easier to get people to do things for him. There was one problem. 

Some people thought that, if you were good looking, you must be nice as well. As if nasty and ugly went hand in hand. Okay, as far as Voldemort went, it was true. (And let's not go into Draco's feeling on the Deatheaters. The idea of spending the rest of his life kowtowing to something that looked like it belonged in a cage in the zoo... But, again, let's not go into that). But, really, how did looking absolutely wonderful (and Draco knew he did) have any reflection on his character? What did they expect? Warts? Boils? Bad teeth? A brunette? 

He could maybe accept the idea that people thought he wasn't all bad. After all, it was true. He had many fine qualities. He was intellegent, cunning, rich.... Really, what wasn't to like? But nice? Where did they get _nice_? Perhaps why they did it was the same reason people ate fugu or played Russian Roulette. Stupdity. It was as good an explination as any. 

Truth told, the nice thing wasn't the worst of it. The worst of it was the "True Love." Draco didn't believe in true love. As far as he was concerned, marriage was an economic venture of mutual convience. And if she was pretty, that was a bonus. But for some, that wasn't enough. No. They needed him to be nice. And sweet. And one of those pansy boyfriends who always had a hankerchief for when the girl cried. 

It was enough to give a guy a complex. 


	2. In which our Protagonist dates Ginny

Ginny was wonderful. Draco turned to Crabbe and Goyle. "Have you ever noticed how wonderful Ginny is? The way the sun hits her fiery hair? It looks like flames. My little spit-fire." 

Over his head, Crabbe and Goyle exchanged puzzled looks. "Ummm... If you say so, Draco." 

"I do. She is truly everything a woman should be." 

Crabbe wasn't so sure of that. He'd seen bigger breasts on a fat eight-year old boy. 

"Sadly," Draco continued, "our association must now come to an end. When my father hears of my love for the fair Ginny, he will disown me. And I will be forced to make my own way in the world, with only Ginny by my side. There will be no place for you in my new life. Nor should you be forced to leave all that you have, simply because of me. Good-bye, my dearest friends. I shall think of you often." 

With that, Draco swept away out of Slytherin's common room. Goyle turned to Crabbe. "What just happened?" 

"I'm not sure. But it was weird." 

"I think we should tell Professor Snape." 

"I think you're right." 

--- 

Ginny held up two bellybutton charms. "Which one? The butterfly or the flower?" 

Draco thought about it. "The butterfly. You're the only flower I want to see." 

Ginny giggled. "You're so sweet. I don't see why Ron's so upset about the two of us dating. From the way he talks, you'd think you were a terrible person." 

"It's not his fault. Not completely. It's just that you are the only person who can see past the shallow facade to the true me." 

"Oh, Draco. You say the sweetest things." 

She leaned forward and the two of them kissed. That kiss was interrupted as Professor Snape came bursting into the room. "Stop right there, both of you. Crabbe, Goyle, get Malfoy. Miss Weasley, stay where you are. Do not follow us. I promise, all will be well." 

As he realized what was happening, Draco began to struggle. "What? Unhand me. I thought you two were my friends." 

"We are, Draco." 

"Then let me go! I need to be with Ginny!" 

"No, no, you don't. Professor Snape explained it to us," said Goyle. "Everything is going to be all right." 

With that, the two bigger boys pinned Draco to the ground. Snape nodded to Goyle. "Pinch his nose shut." 

Draco tried his best, but even wizards have to breath sometime. As he gasped for air, Snape grabbed his lower jaw and poured a potion down the boy's throat. At a signal from Snape, Crabbe and Goyle let Draco go. He rolled over onto his side, sputtering and coughing. He gasped, "Disgusting." 

"Well, I know it's not butterbeer, but the potion was necessary to--" 

"No, not the potion -- though, that was horrible, you're right. I touched Weasley lips! Me, a Malfoy. I've been contaminated. What the hell possessed me to do something like that?" 

"That, Mr. Malfoy, is an excellent question." Snape regarded him carefully. "I suggest we seek the answer to it, before something like this happens again." 


	3. In which our Protagonist yells a lot

They walked into the Headmaster's office to find a sobbing Ginny. When she caught sight of Draco, she quickly back away. "Stay away! I told you, sir, he did something to me." 

"I did something to you?" cried Draco. "You did something to me. You probably used Imperius on me." 

"Let's calm down. All of us," Dumbledore said. "Sit, sit. You too, Severus." 

As everyone settled into various seats -- with Ginny as far away as she could get from the Syltherins -- Dumbledore continued, "Now, I hardly think a fifth year student is going to be using Imperius on anyone. It is not exactly part of the standard curriculum, now is it, Mr. Malfoy?" 

"Not unless you've managed to hire another Deatheater." 

Dumbledore ignored Draco's comment and turned to Crabbe and Goyle. "You boys were there when this first started, correct?" 

Goyle nodded. "I think so. He was acting weird." 

"No, he wasn't," said Crabbe. "Well, no, he was, but more like unexpected weird than crazy weird." 

"Until he left. Than it was crazy weird." 

"I see." Dumbledore turned to Ginny. "If you would tell us about your experience, Miss Weasley?" 

"Well, it's all a little fuzzy. I remember that everything seemed normal. At least, it did when Malfoy was there. When Professor Snape took him away, it stopped. When I think about it now, none of it makes sense. Like, what's a bellybutton charm? We've never done anything involving bellybuttons in Charms class." 

"Bellybutton charms? I can't say I've ever heard of such a thing. Sounds rather... exotic, doesn't it?" 

Draco rolled his eyes at the Headmaster's comment. "That's very fascinating and all, but could we get back to my problems?" 

"Hmmm? Ah, yes, of course, Mr. Malfoy." Dumbledore turned to Snape. "Tell me, 

Severus, exactly how did you extract Mr. Malfoy from his predicament?" 

"A particularly strong mental clarity potion. It's designed to remove any outside influence. However, it is not something that can be used very often. The ingredients are toxic in large concentrations." 

Draco paled. "Are you saying that you tried to poison me?" 

Snape snorted. "Hardly. As tempting as that thought might be. One dose is merely sufficient to give you, at worst, an upset stomach. But it ought not to be used more than once a month." 

"But what if it happens again?" 

"Well, that will depend on the nature of the influence. The particular potion I used has to be strong because it is designed to work against a wide range of things. Other potions, curses, mental influences. If we knew the exact nature of the influence, I could formulate a potion to counter it. One that was safer to use on a regular basis." 

"So how do we find out what caused it? Because I don't want that to happen again." 

Ginny glared. "It was no picnic from this side either." 

"Oh, please, I'm probably the best you've ever had." 

"I'd rather kiss Fang!" 

"Hey, the mutt's a step up from your family. You could do much worse." 

"Why you--" 

"That's enough. Both of you." Dumbledore motioned for Ginny to put away her wand. "There will be no further exchange of insults -- or hexes, Miss Weasley. In fact, I think it's safe for you to go. As long as you avoid Mr. Malfoy, you should be fine." 

As Ginny moved towards the door, he continued. "Oh, and Miss Weasley? It might be best if you didn't mention this incident to anyone. I would hate it if someone were to judge you by an incident that you had no control over." 

Ginny frowned. "Yes, sir." 

After she had left, Dumbledore turned back to Draco. "Do you wish your friends to stay, Mr. Malfoy?" 

It took Draco a moment to realize that he was asking about Crabbe and Goyle. "Friends" was not the word he would have chosen. "Cohorts" perhaps. "Henchmen" was a good term. But... hadn't he called them his friends earlier? He thought he remembered... Yes, he had. Under the influence of the same thing that had gotten him to kiss a Weasley. Yet another way this incident had tried to destroy his dignity. Still... "They can stay." 

Otherwise, they'd probably blab everything to the whole school. Like things weren't bad enough as they were. 

"Very well," Dumbledore said. "We have some choices to make, Mr. Malfoy. At this point, we have very little information about what happened to you. It could be that this will prove to be a one time occurrence. However, we have no guarantee of such a thing. Therefore, I am of the opinion that we have two basic choices on how to handle this. The first is to place you in isolation until we are able to determine the cause of this incident. If we follow this route, we should be able to work faster. However, as I have no idea how long such a matter would take, such a setup would have to be considered indefinite. It could even mean that you would be forced to repeat your sixth year, should the situation last that long." 

"I'm not repeating my sixth year." 

"Very well. The other option would be for you to return to class. All of the teachers will be instructed to watch for any unusual behavior on your part. If any is noted, you will be immediately placed in isolation until I believe the danger has passed. Madame Pomfrey and Professor Snape will seek a solution to your problem as their time allows. Does that seem fair to you?" 

"No," said Draco. "Fair would be if this had never happened to me in the first place." 

"Very well. Does this seem reasonable, then?" 

"It's better than nothing, I suppose." 

"Very good. Mr. Crabbe, Mr. Goyle, thank you for your assistance in this matter. Mr. Malfoy, I would ask that Professor Snape take you to the Infirmary and then to your House. I suggest you not leave again today. " 

"Yes, sir." 

Author's note: Thanks for all the excellent feedback you guys have given me so far. I'm really glad to hear that people are enjoying this. 


	4. In which our Protagonsit visits the Infi...

"Ahhhhh." Madame Pomfrey peered at the back of Draco's throat before signaling that the boy could shut his mouth. 

"I'll be honest. I can't find a thing wrong with him. At least, not physically. Oh, he could use an hour or two more sleep each night, but what sixth year couldn't? Nor is there anything to suggest that the problems were caused by magic." 

"Are you suggesting, perhaps, that Mr. Malfoy has gone mad?" asked Snape. "Because this would be the first time I have ever seen madness spread to the surrounding environment." 

"Oh, don't give me that. You know as well as I do that mediwitch techniques tend to be highly specific. With no idea of what I'm looking for -- and with your potion sloshing around inside of him -- I could have told you what I'd find before I'd even started." She waved a finger under Snape's nose. "Now, stay here with Mr. Malfoy while I go check some of my books." 

Draco watched her go before turning to Snape. "I didn't know that. About mediwitch spells being so specific, I mean." 

"That is correct. For instance, that is why we were unable to determine the cause of the incidents your second year." 

"That and what sane person would suspect that there was a basilisk in Hogwarts." Madame Pomfrey came back into the room carrying a book the size of an unabridged dictionary, which she set down with a thump. "I found what I was looking for right away, so something has gone right today, at least." 

She opened up the book and showed something to Snape, Draco couldn't see what. After looking it over, Snape nodded. "Yes, that will work. And it can be put together fairly quickly." 

"What can?" asked Draco. 

"It's a detection charm," explained Madame Pomfrey. "We'll tie it into something that you can wear. Then, when this thing happens again, the response of the charm will give us a better idea of what we are dealing with." 

Draco went slightly pale. "Do you think it will happen again?" 

"I don't know," Madame Pomfrey answered honestly. "If it doesn't happen again, then all we've lost is an afternoon's work. But if it does happened again, I think all of us will be most grateful for the precautions. You have had a most trying and exhausting day. I suggest you rest while Professor Snape and I work on your charm." 

Draco nodded and stretched out on the bed, not even bothering to remove his shoes. "If you need me, you know where to find me." 

He tucked his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. Why him? Of all the people in Hogwarts, why Draco Malfoy? Crazy things like this were supposed to happen to Harry Potter, not him. As far as Draco was concerned, that was why Potter existed. For things to happen to. True, this often resulted in Gryffindor taking the House cup, but given that his adventures would one day kill Potter, Draco would take second place and alive over first place and dead. 

The door to the infirmary creaked open and Draco looked up, expecting Snape or Pomfrey, returning with their magical detection doohicky. Instead, a young girl stuck her head through the doorway. Her eyes were a rich, deep blue, like the sky at twilight. Her long, silken tresses were the honey gold of fall's meadow grasses. She smiled at Draco and he smiled back. 

"Hi. I'm looking for Madame Pomfrey. Is she here?" 

"No," said Draco. "But she should be back shortly. You can wait, if you want." 

"Thank you." The girl stepped in the infirmary. Rather then the usual drab Hogwarts robes, she wore a floor-length dress of blue brocade that matched her eyes. "My name is Ellisana Brigadoon. What's your name?" 

"Draco Malfoy." 

"That's a nice name. Draco means dragon, doesn't it? I'll bet you're as brave and as strong as a dragon." 

Draco blushed. "Well, I try to be. You know, I don't think I've seen you around before." 

"I just transferred here. You see, I used to live in Italy with my parents. My mother was a famous musician, revered by both muggle and magical communities. My father was a member of the nobility. We live on an estate in the southern countryside. One day, while I was away at school, someone attacked our home and killed my parents. Fearing for my safety, my relatives sent me here to England to live with my great-uncle, Albus Dumbledore." 

Draco took her hand in his. "That is so sad. I am so very sorry for your loss." 

"It's all right." She patted his hand. "I know that, wherever my parents' spirits are, they still love me and are proud of me." 

"Then, in some ways, you are luckier than I am." 

"Don't your parents love you?" 

"My parents care more for status and image than love. To them I am simply one more way to enhance their reputation. My father follows the Dark Lord and, though I despise such pureblood bigotry, I must play that role, for fear of what my father would do to me." 

"You must lead such a lonely life." Ellisana gathered Draco into her arms. She was about to kiss him when Madame Pomfrey and Professor Snape burst into the room, wands at ready. 

"Don't move!" 

_Author's note: Urgh. After all that sweetness, I need to go kick a small child to get the taste out of my mouth. I hope you people appreciate what I'm doing for you. Writing little miss pretty was... ick. And, yes, I know that was a terrible, horrible cruel place to end this chapter. I needed that horribleness, trust me. _

Also, thanks to Ealusaid for catching my typos. I do my best, but sometimes, I check and simply don't see them. Maybe because in my head, it's correct. 


	5. In which our Protagonist is confused

_Author's note: Oh my, it's been about forever hasn't it? The last couple of years, my life has been completely taken over by law school. And Stargate: Atlantis. But the soon-to-be-released final book, and some recent excellent feedback (Thank you so much!) has rekindled my work ethic. I've always had the plan at the back of mind to return to this story. It's nice to have finally gotten **something** done on it. And hopefully, some more will follow a little more quickly this time around._

Draco started and pulled away from Ellisana. "What? What is it?"

"That girl," explained Snape, "is not a girl."

Draco stared blankly at the professor. "Um... What?"

Ellisana quivered in fear, her bosom trembling. "How can you say such terrible things?"

Madame Pomfrey edged between Ellisana and the door. In one hand, she held a crystal on a chain. The crystal glittered and sparked as she held it aloft. ""How can an ordinary human make a magical detection charm react like this? The damn thing is supposed to glow, not try to set fire to the surrounding environment."

Ellisana lifted her chin defiantly. "I am Ellisana Brigadoon, the great-niece of Albus Dumbledore. As such, I am the greatest and most powerful witch of my generation."

Pomfrey's eyes unfocused slightly. "Dumbledore's great-niece... Yes, I think I've heard of you..."

"Get a hold of yourself, Poppy," said Snape. "If she was Dumbledore's great-niece, she'd be the goat charmer's grand-daughter."

A disgusted look crossed Madame Pomfrey's face. "Ugh. That wasn't something I needed to think about, Severus. Ever."

"Could be worse. You're not the one he cornered under the mistletoe last staff Christmas party."

"That also wasn't something I ever needed to think about."

Snape sputtered. "I meant Trelawny! Albus made me go rescue her and she spent the rest of the night clinging to me. It was a very unsettling experience. None of which has anything to do with the situation in hand."

Ellisana stomped one petite, slipper-clad foot. "Stop it! Stop ignoring me!"

"Speaking of the situation at hand." Snape returned his gaze to the girl who was not a girl. He cocked his head slightly to one side, looking like nothing more than great bird of prey examining a particularly tasty morsel. "What shall we do with you, I wonder?"

Ellisana looked stressed. Draco started to reach out to touch her arm, before he stopped, a confused look on his face. When she saw Draco pull away, she exploded into a verbal tirade. "Look, don't you people get it? I'm supposed to be the center of attention. Me!"

Pomfrey's expression turned thoughtful. "Are you sure she's not for real? She certainly sounds like she could be related to Albus's brother."

The girl scowled, marring her pretty features. "Of course I'm for real. I'm a very powerful witch. I'm so strong that I had private tutors from the age of three. I finished my education in magic by the time I was ten. I got all my NEWTs. I play three different instruments, the piano, the flute and the violin, and I sing. I'm a Parselmouth and part-veela and part-mermaid. I'm going to be the one to defeat Voldemort. And I'm the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

"Actually," said Snape, "given the school's record, I'd believe the last one. Except that I've already met the new teacher and he somehow manages to be more annoying."

"Hush, Severus. You'll give Draco the idea that his education is lacking here at Hogwarts."

"If he hasn't noticed the problem by now, then his problem is lack of intelligence, not lack of intelligent teachers."

"Yes, but there's not need to confirm it for him."

Draco looked from teacher to teacher to... purported teacher. "Will someone please explain to me what's going on here?"

Snape pulled out his wand and started to advance on the girl. "I'm not entirely sure, but I do believe it's time we find out."

She drew back and whimpered. "Don't you love me, Draco?"

"I..." He tried to focus. "I... "

"Draco!" Pomfrey cried and shoved the charm towards him. The light contained within was enough to leave after images against the insides of his eyelids.

He turned to the girl. "Who are you? What are you doing to me?"

Her expression turned dark. The air suddenly seemed heavy, making it hard to breath. "If you don't love me, then maybe it's better if I don't exist."

There was a sound of cracking wood as a sudden, icy wind forced the windows of the infirmary open. And then the wind and the girl were gone.


End file.
